105 Funny Sewing Puns And Jokes, Quilting, Knitting & Yarn

Laugh when you need to! Laughing during challenging projects helps keep the positive energy flowing. Laughing helps reduce stress and anxiety. Laughing helps balance our emotions when we are feeling upset or sad. Sewing and knitting are fun hobbies. They can become even more interesting if you know some jokes, puns, and trivia about them. If you’re looking for jokes, and puns, about sewing, knitting, quilting, and yarn, we’ve compiled 105 of the best puns and jokes to make your sewing more interesting.

 

Funny Sewing Puns

#1. My friend composes lyrics about sewing machines.

She’s a Singer-songwriter

65 Laughter Quotes

#2. A nun was losing sleep over whether or not to take up sewing

She heard it could be habit-forming

#3. I think my wife’s sewing machine is on the blink.

I’m not sure what’s wrong, it just doesn’t seam right.

#4. Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut.

After I left, they were humming my praises.

#5. I woke up with pins and needles in my arm

Maybe I should put the sewing kit away before I go to sleep next time.

#6. Tragic sewing accident kills woman and three children…

Whoops, wrong thread.

#7. Coffee

Coffee: you haven’t had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it’s running.

#8. Today i made a mistake while sewing.

Oops, wrong thread.

#9. So my wife got a new sewing machine this week and I know what you guys are thinking….

…sew what?

#10. I learned a lot from my parents

I learned things like cooking, cleaning, and sewing from my father. And my mother taught me to construct jokes based on stereotypical gender roles.

Source: Jokejokes

 

Funny Stitches Jokes

#1. “What do you call a tailor that stitches quickly?

Taylor Swift.”

#2. “So I told my friend a joke about embroidery the other day…

and the punchline had him in stitches!”

#3. “What did the doctor say to the rude patient who was reluctant to get stitches from him?

“Fine, suture yourself.”

#4. “Did you hear about the scarf that Eva Braun knitted for Hitler?

He said it was kampfy and that he reiched it a lot, but that it could have used fuhrer stitches.”

#5. “My daughter told me this one today and it had me in stitches.

Two goldfish are in a tank.”

#6. “Today I was stabbed by a comedian

You could say he had me in stitches.”

#7. “Did you hear about the clown on the loose in the textile factory?

The manager was in stitches”

#8. “I asked why my stitches were unravelling but accidentally posted it to a gaming forum last night

Turns out it was the wrong thread”

#9. “Just had an operation on my funny bone.

The doctor said I’ll be in stitches for 2 weeks.”

#10. “I saw a man walking down the street in a fancy suit today

He was so sharply dressed I had to go to the hospital for stitches”

#11. “My wife started a program to support whistle blowers by knitting them sweaters.

She calls the program Snitches get Stitches”

Source: Jokejokes

 

Crafting Puns And Jokes

#1. “Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.”

#2. “What do you call a person who spends his/her free time trying to get legislators to support craft stores?

A Hobby Lobby hobbyist lobbyist.”

#3. “Where does the Iranian Air Force store all its flying craft?

The carpet store.”

#4. “How come the Fresh Prince was able to craft a sword?

He’s a black Smith.”

#5. “What is Hitler’s video-game called?

Mein Craft.”

#6. “What is Ironman’s favorite real-time strategy game?

Stark Craft”

#7. ”What does a confused student at Hogwarts study?

Which craft?”

Source: Jokejokes

 

Crochet Puns And Jokes

  1. “At first I wasn’t sure about crocheting toys…
    …But it ami-grew-on-me.”
  2. “How many sheep does it take to make a blanket?
    None – sheep can’t crochet.”
  3. “What do you get if you cross a sheep with a porcupine?
    An animal that knits its own sweaters.”
  4. “Who raided Peter Pan’s yarn stash?
    Captain Hook!”
  5. “What do you get if you put a sheep on a trampoline?
    A woolly jumper.”
  6. “What did the pirate say when he stood on a needle?
    Oh, daaarn!”
  7. “What are the steps of learning to crochet?
    It’s a chain of events.”
  8. “What kind of needlework is always angry?
    Cross stitch.”
  9. “What happened to the naughty granny square?
    He got into treble”
  10. “What happened to the cat who ate a ball of yarn?
    She had mittens”

Source: Topcrochetpatterns

 

Funny Knitting Quotes

#1.  “Knitting is knit together into who I am, and coming back to knitting meant coming back to myself, and myself was such a crazy place to be right then that I didn’t want to go there.”

– Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, ‘All Wound Up: The Yarn Harlot Writes For A Spin’.

#2. 34. “The people who think I’m famous are knitters. Most of my life, I’m wildly unrecognized.”

– Stephanie Pearl-McPhee.

#3. “The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can’t teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf.”

– Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, ‘At Knit’s End: Meditations For Women Who Knit Too Much’.

#4. “I will always buy extra yarn. I will not try to tempt fate.”

– Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, ‘At Knit’s End: Meditations For Women Who Knit Too Much’.

#5. “If you have time to knit, if you’ve taken up knitting, it means you’re not worried about the essential stuff.”

– Stephanie Pearl-McPhee.

#6. 37. “Knitting is very conducive to thought. It is nice to knit a while, put down the needles, write a while, then take up the sock again.”

– Dorothy Day.

#7. “One tends to give one’s fingers too little credit for their own good sense.”

– Elizabeth Zimmermann.

#8. “.. Everyone has to knit when they’re here. … But not every person has to use yarn.”

– Kate Jacobs, ‘The Friday Night Knitting Club’.

Source: kidadl

 

Funny Sewing Quotes

  1. Some days I amaze myself. Other days, I look for my scissors when I’m already holding them
  2. Too much fabric? I think the phrase you are looking for is too small sewing room
  3. In life we all come with baggage..mine’s just full of fabric
  4. My sewing space is my happy place
  5. Sewing fills my days. And my living room, dining room, bedroom, closets……
  6. You cant buy happiness, but you can buy fabric and that’s pretty close
  7. It’s all fun and games until the bobbin runs out
  8. My soul is fed with needle and thread
  9. My machine is calling and i must sew
  10. My craft room is not messy..I just have everything on display.
  11. I like to party. and by party I mean stay home and sew.
  12. In my dream world fabric is free and quilting makes you thin
  13. A creative mess is better than tidy idleness
  14. When feeling low, its time to sew
  15. One who sleeps under a quilt is comforted by love
  16. Sewing mends the soul.
  17. Asking a quilter to mend is like asking Picasso to paint your garage.
  18. I drive fast and barefoot.
  19. Behind every quilter is a big pile of fabric.
  20. Being creative is not a hobby, Its a way of life
  21. Sewing – Its not just a craft, its therapy
  22. I’m not easily distracted…Hey, Look, Fabric

Source: Sewingsisterz

 

Fashion Puns And Quotes

  1. “You wear size 14 shoes? What a feet!”
  2. “You thought your shoes were tied? Nope, frayed knot.”
  3. “The dictator doesn’t like to dress formally. You could say he’s a tie rant.”
  4. “What did the hat say to the necktie? I’ll go on ahead, you just hang around.”
  5. “Did you hear about the coat I got from the internet? It’s down-loaded.”
  6. “There’s an is-shoe I’d like to ad-dress.”
  7. “What do you call a jacket that catches on fire? A blazer!”
  8. “Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? They ended up in a tie.”
  9. “There’s a sign on a shoe store that says, “Come in and have a fit.”
  10. “The guy who sells designer clothing is a Dior to Dior salesman.”
  11. “How do farmers mend their pants? With cabbage patches!”
  12. “Why are skinny jeans so trendy? I can’t get into them.”
  13. “What’s soft and slippery? A slipper!”
  14. “I get so frustrated when I try to organize my wardrobe. I might need some hanger management.”
  15. “I was going to take off my socks, but I got cold feet.”
  16. “Being fashionable is in my jeans.”
  17. “I brought eye-shadow and lipstick to school because I have a make-up exam.”
  18. “At first I wasn’t interested in buying leather shoes, but the salesman suede me.”
  19. “I love to dress in all-black from head to toe. My style is second to nun.”
  20. “These jeans are too tight — I can’t breathe,” Levi panted.

Source: Koshercasual

 

Funny Knitting Puns, Jokes, and Sayings

  1. I Knit What’s Your Superpower?
  2. I need a HUG e amount of yarn.
  3. I’m working on my Ph.D (Projects Half Done) in Knitting. Does this resonate with you? Do you have half-done knitting projects?
  4. Yarn is like chocolate. You can never have too much!
  5. That moment you’re supposed to be cleaning, you pick up your needles and yarn and tidy them and accidentally make a hat.
  6. Walk-in closet? I think you mean Yarn Vault.
  7. I am a knitter! Of course, I’m crazy. Do you think a sane person would hoard so much yarn?
  8. You know you’re a knitting addict, when you take a break from a big knitting project and relax by working on another project.
  9. Laughter is not the best medicine, knitting is. It leaves you in stitches.
  10. If they don’t want me to dance in the Yarn Aisle, why the heck do they play the music?

Source: Knitlikegranny

 

Quilting Jokes And Puns

#1. How did the kidnapper guarantee that the tailor would make him a quilt?

He thread-end them

#2. My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets..

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

#3. What did the teeny tiny blanket have over the large quilt?

It was Microsoft.

#4. I suspect my friend has an unhealthy addiction to knitting quilts.

I have seen all the patterns.

#5. How did the kidnapper guarantee that the tailor would make him a quilt?

He thread-end them

#6. Her: What do you think of my mom’s quilt for us?

Me: I refuse to make blanket statements.

#7. My wife asked if I wanted to go see a quilt museum…

I said no I hear it’s full of squares

#8. My wife says quilts are better than duvets.

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

Source: Punstoppable

 

Yarn Puns

#1. Why do the people of Pern make all their cloth out of yarn?

Because they’re afraid of Thread!

#2. A Tailor Had His Eyes Replaced With Yarn Balls…

…So now he has fiber optics.

#3. So I heard you like puns with convoluted setups…

well, much like a child insisting her mother use needles and yarn to repair her favorite plush animal named after it’s bright, glinting visual organs reminding one of morning precipitation: Sew dew eye.

#4. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yarn.

#5. What did one strand of yarn say to the other?

I’m not ready to dye, I still have a few ends to tie up.

“Ball up…”

#6. Grandma said I she’d knit whatever I want if I pick the yarn. You may also be interested to know about best sewing jokes.

So I bought her some steel wool and asked her to knit me a car.

 

It’s A Wrap!

You may also want to read about how to make a shirt bigger without sewing and why is my sewing machine not sewing.

 

 

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